I don't usually get deep into my personal life on my blog, or much of my other social media. But it has affected my online presence as an author to a higher degree than normal, these last few months, so I would like to keep you all informed. I have had a number of fellow authors and other creative friends reach out to me, lately, and depending on what was going on, I may not have responded. This is my blanket apology to you all - personal ones will, of course, follow. Normally, I'd find some way into this via another book, or a video, or something funny, but I'd rather not sugar coat this. It's time to be real about what happened to me over November and most of this month. Please understand that I am not writing this post in search of sympathy or attention... it is for the sake of honesty, and to be an example of not letting failure stop us from creating. (At least, I'll strive to be.)
We lost my father-in-law over two very sudden weeks in November, to a stroke. (Those who are willing and able to do so may contribute to our family's GoFundMe page to help my mother-in-law cover his funeral expenses.) It's been a very difficult time for us, and while we are slowly recovering from the grief, it lingers during a particularly awful time of year for such things.
While my internal fortitude was weakened by this, my depression and anxiety snuck back in and double-teamed me, hard. I started thinking that there's no way any of the creative things I do mean anything, that I have no real worth, and other heinous, horrible lies. The worst part is, for a couple of very dark weeks, I believed them. As anyone who has ever struggled with depression can tell you, it's extremely hard to write, or even make a daily Instagram post, or take decent care of yourself, when you think you're not worth anything.
It's still pretty hard not to listen to those little brain-lies, but today is Yule. As long-time readers of my blog may remember, this is the day when the hours of light begin to overtake the hours of darkness. It is also, on a more personal note, the 18th anniversary of my personal dedication to being a practicing pagan. My magic is legally an adult, and can buy scratch tickets. That's got to be worth something, right? Worth my feeling kind of old, at least - ha. So I took a handful of that magic, threw it into my morning coffee, buckled down, and started reaching out and catching up. I'm still not completely certain of my path, but I know I can still take it one step at a time. Soon enough, I'll be writing again. Soon enough, I'll be sharing it with you again.
In the meantime, I encourage you to check out two guest blogs I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to write: one amazingly fun look into Aviario's morning radio show, and one about writing and life balance. I am especially grateful to Ian Rogers, host of But I Also Have A Day Job, for being patient and understanding with me through a multitude of edits.
Until next time, enjoy the growing light, and take care of each other!
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